distraction
it's been difficult for me to enjoy myself, lately. there's just this anxious restlessness in me that won't calm down, demanding I race from one thing to another, never leaving me alone long enough to let me concentrate, always insisting something else demands my attention. I haven't yet found a solution to it. what I wouldn't give for the ability to just relax, to enjoy a calm little moment to myself, instead of spending my time impotently reaching for a calm I cannot grasp.
it reduces my days to an unbearable irrythmic repetition of the same state of mind, no matter what i do. my thoughts are perpetually pulled taught in every direction they'll go, never making progress in any of them. I know that somehow, I've got to break this pattern, but how to break it, and with what, I don't know. so on I press, trying whatever I can.
I checked out a couple books from the library today. How to Read a Book, by Adler, and The Great Gatsby, by Fitzgerald. How to Read a Book was recommended to me by a small YouTuber, who runs a channel about zettellkasten, and Gatsby is one of those books that everyone but me has read.