Civilians
there's something that my older brother once said
about going to a convenience store after a difficult film shoot
which is most of them, who's ever heard of an easy movie set
all of the producers, and grips, and assorted crew members
the sound guys, like my brother
all with their own role, their own duty
like a chaotic USS Enterprise, fueled by Red Bull and disposable nicotine vapes
he said that, after everything he'd been through
that it felt utterly bizarre to be among civilians again
that's the word he used
civilians
there was that one time, in a Taco Bell
when my mother was talking about losing my younger brother
the one I was just a bit too young to remember much about today
apart from stories from my family
she said that, after the funeral, it felt utterly unfair that the rest of the world kept on turning
when I was working at Burger King
not Taco Bell, unfortunately
would've made for a better parallel
we lost a man, a manager of mine
he used to tell me I wasn't fast enough
gotta work on that speed
he spent a lot of his shift on his phone
I spent a lot of my shift on my phone
one night, on one of those shifts I spent on my phone, I walked outside and saw the sign that I hadn't noticed coming in it said, "YOU WILL BE MISSED ERIC"
I asked the manager who was closing with me that night if he had gotten a job somewhere else
she rolled her eyes and said that he had passed
I walked home, alone
holding my uncomfortable restaurant shoes in my hand
I don't know if I believe in civilians
I think we're all fighting our own private wars
and if you say the right thing,
mention the right regiment,
or just have the right look in your eyes,
a comrade in arms will know